When people know ...

It's a little difficult to work your way out of what you've told them.

I've told two of my closest friends and my ex-boyfriend turned close friend turned almost boyfriend turned distant friend. And I've regretted it. I ended up gaining so much weight because they talked me out of what I was doing to myself.  I was so weak that I got talked out of it. What does that mean for me? Does it mean that anytime at any moment I could go back to being normal? It's nicer being normal. I was happier being normal. But there was always a part of me that wanted to be thin. They say the heart wants what the heart wants after all. Maybe I am super weak. And maybe they all think I've recovered. I haven't. There's no way I could let go of what I want.

I know they mean well but to them, if you ever read this, I'm sorry. I can't always be the happy cheerful me, especially when I'm alone like this. It's not your fault. I abandoned you because I didn't want anyone to hold me back anymore. For all of this, I'm truly sorry.