So I'm kinda back after a short hiatus in which I became completely immersed in LiveJournal but I'm sort of back and I wrote this in class today. Excuse the typos I'm too lazy.

it always bothers me when people eat. i don't know why.  especially when fat people eat. i don't know what it is. i feel bad sometimes. the truth is it's true i guess. people don't think about what they put in their mouths and now that i've let my eating disorder run wild, i notice it all the time.  it's even more discouraging when skinny girls eat shit. how could you do that to yourself? you've been blessed with a perfect body. why ruin it?? that just seems so stupid to me. heavy girls with boyfriends freak me out too.  especially when it's skinny boyfriends. are these guys blind? or are they just too mature to even care about image. that's bullshit.  no one can love a fat girl because there's not enough love to cover her whole goddamned body.  retarded i tell you.  and all this shit about there being "more of you to love" or that people "love you just the way you are" or for "your personality" ... completely out of whack.  those are reserved for fat girls only.  i never want to hear it again. i want people to ask if i'm losing weight or say that i look great or skinny. i would love that.  i would finally love me.

Misunderstanding ...

I don't mean to complain but I think people with anorexia are sometimes the most misunderstood people I've ever met.  Now you're probably thinking that of course I would say something like this because I'm one of these people but I come from a different place.  I used to be one of you.  I used to look down on anorexics because why would someone starve themselves to look like a skeleton?  But the truth is, not all of us want to look like skeletons.  Most of us feel like there is a perfect weight and everyone else just doesn't see it.  So why should we be looked down on for working so hard to achieve what we want to be.

Secondly, you assume that since a girl isn't super skinny she can't be anorexic.  Most of us start off as girls who are overweight or close to it.  It's usually what starts us off because we can see our flaws and no matter what other people say, you can't dissuade us from what we see.

Lastly, you all assume we have to be so shallow and so bitchy because all we care about are looks.  Our personalities have a lot to do with what you assume about us.  Some of the girls I've met are some of the most understanding people I've ever talked to.  So what if we care about how we look.  Don't you at some point?  Do you assume that since we care about our outer beauty we don't have inner beauty?  And that's where you're wrong.  There are people who can be beautiful on the inside and outside and that's what we strive to be.  The perfect person.

So go ahead and wrap yourself in your blanket of misconceptions and insecurities.  Sooner or later you're going to regret not seeing your own flaws and depending on your inner beauty alone.